All of us do and should evaluate how we are doing in life. We ponder, "How am I doing and how can I do better?" We set goals for ourselves and establish certain expectations for our behavior and accomplishments. For me, and I wager for you also, in this process we look around at what others are doing and what others are accomplishing. The standards we set up for ourselves are affected by what we think others around us are doing. The huge problem in this is that I don't think we get a good picture or persective on other people's lives. There is so much we don't hear and see! People, generally, are on their best behavior in public settings. And people mainly want to share their strengths with others. For example, on my blog, I am more likely to share my positive experiences and accomplishments than I am to share my sins and weaknesses. I catch myself, every now and then, reading your blogs and evaluating myself on the thoughts you share. I am comparing my weaknesses to your strengths and I come away feeling like a failure because you guys are so dang wonderful! Or I go to a book club discussion and get blown away because so many toddlers are reading or listening to their moms read chapter books! Then I look at my own boys and think, "Tanner won't even sit down to read a picture book! I am such a terrible mom!" It really did make me feel bad. Then I had to realize the error of my ways and think my way out of that unneccesary thought process. I was judging myself on other's strengths and declaring myself a failure. I didn't need to do that! I judged myself wrongly. So I really want to be careful about doing that. I hope I can catch myself when I start judging myself on hypothetical standards. It just isn't right!
This Christmas letter we received from Mike's cousin kind of catched the essence of what I am saying. It made me smile and realize that we may even judge ourselves against the fabulous Christmas cards we receive.
"It is time for me to exaggerate the meager accomplishments of our clan for the benefit of all you who have managed to keep yourselves on our Christmas card list. So for all the husbands who are being forced to act interested in this missive, let me sum it up in a nutshell for you. I am going to show how our kids are smarter and cuter than yours and we are wildly more successful. You may now stop reading here and act as if you read to the end...Merry Christmas."
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7 comments:
So true!!!! That's all I have to say!
i was just thinking about this too, audra. i think we can easily get down on ourselves by comparing our lives and circumstances to other peoples', even our own family's, thinking how happy we could be if only we had their life or their house, etc. but in the end, we are only held accountable for what we do and how well we do it. and i say, as long as you are doing your best (most of the time), you can't fault yourself. also, we have no idea what's really going on in peoples' lives. someone who may seem to have it all might suffer some unseen burden we know nothing about. we're all loved in so many ways, our children think we're perfect, and that's good enough for me. :) thanks for your thoughts. and i love that christmas letter. awesome. :)
What a good reminder, and so, so, so true! I guess it's hard not to compare ourselves to each other, because we're painfully aware of our own shortcomings, and when we see someone else who is strong in that area, it emphasizes our own inadequacies even more. In contrast, we may think because we're strong in an area, everyone is strong in the same area, but it's so not true!
Just for the record, I think you are an amazing mom and person, and I look to you for strength and as an example in how I can be a better mom and a kinder more thoughtful person.
Maybe that's the trick, when tempted to compare ourselves to others and feel incapacitated by our inadequacies, we can instead feel motivated and learn from others examples. Thanks for bring this subject up, I think it's definately one worthy of more pondering on my part. It's a much more postive way of looking at life, "what can I learn from so and so," instead of "why can't I be more like so and so."
There's another one of your strengths... Sharing personal thoughts on your blog and getting others thinking!
As ironic as it may seem, the races I have run have really taught me this principle. I knew that I was doing the best I could do, and that others were doing their best, and we were all in it together trying to reach the same goal. In the end it really doesn't matter who finishes first, so long as we all finish!
I needed to hear that. Thanks Audra.
Well I will tell you this: I have often compared myself to you! You are wonderful at photography, scrapbooking, crafts, etc... I am NOT! I want to be more like you! But you know, we all have our own different talents, that is for sure! Thanks for posting this, Love it!!
Amen to the entry and all previous comments! Thank you, Audra, for bringing this up!! It's something I need to be constantly reminded of, since it's so darn easy to judge myself and my life on hypothetical standards!! (As you well know... ;) ) And I absolutely LOVE the Christmas card!! :) Thanks for sharing.
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