I have had an epiphany! Oh, why have I not grasped this concept before? It would have saved me a lot of frustration, worry, and discouragement in my life! Let me share! I have used "if, then" statements to measure my worth or accomplishment in something. For example, "If I was a good wife, then Mike could have more hobbies that took him away from the home and it wouldn't be a problem." "If I was a good Mormon mama, then I'd only be half way done with having kids." Wink, John. "If I was a good mom, I'd volunteer at my boy's school a lot more." "If I was a better wife, then I'd clean my home a lot more." "If I was a hard worker, then I'd do everything in the home leaving Mike to do his own work." And some thoughts I had in high school were, "If I was funnier or not as quiet, then people would like me a lot more." "If I was a good basketball player, then I'd be scoring a lot more." "If I was pretty, then boys would ask me out." And it gets really dangerous when I start using these "if, then" statements on others. "If Mike really loved me and cared about me, then he'd read my blog." "If so and so cared, she'd keep in touch more." "If so and so liked the pictures I took of them, then they'd say so." See how these statements can be so dangerous! They can get you to believe something that may not true. It may sound true. It may sound right, but you just don't know! That thought process is destructive. I can start resenting myself or others on false assumptions. I just have to catch myself when I think this way and refuse to believe those "if, then" statements.
Other dangerous thoughts are the "should" statements. I just have to be careful because there are should statements that are true and I need to remember. But many "should" statements come from comparing myself to others and then setting up a standard for myself that doesn't really need to be. "I should sew more." "I should blog more." "I should read more." "I should change my blog template." These statements aren't bad in and of themselves, but they become destructive if they get me frustrated and discouraged. So I just have to be careful. Anyway, I wanted to share my new insight that has helped me overcome unneeded frustration and worry.
Other dangerous thoughts are the "should" statements. I just have to be careful because there are should statements that are true and I need to remember. But many "should" statements come from comparing myself to others and then setting up a standard for myself that doesn't really need to be. "I should sew more." "I should blog more." "I should read more." "I should change my blog template." These statements aren't bad in and of themselves, but they become destructive if they get me frustrated and discouraged. So I just have to be careful. Anyway, I wanted to share my new insight that has helped me overcome unneeded frustration and worry.
10 comments:
you are so right, audra. i'm a complete unbeliever in beating ourselves up about things we do or don't do. women do this WAY too much. so many things are out of our control in our lives, we have to remember that other people make different decisions than we do and that it's okay! negative self-talk is never a good thing. all of your thoughts are so right on. and funny. i like the one about mike reading your blog.
very well put. thank you!
Great epiphany! I will be on watch that I don't get pulled into using if/then or should statements, on myself or others!
This is my favorite post ever. Thank you.
That is great insight! Some of those statements come into my mind as well, and you are right, they are dangerous. Great post!
Great thoughts, Audra!!! Totally, totally true.
You hit it on the head! I never really thought about it either until I read your blog! Thanks for the insight and the reminder to stop beating ourselves up!
You always have such great thoughts on topics surrounding this idea. Thanks for sharing, Audra!
I am so grateful you taught me this lesson, both last September and last January. I needed to hear it both times so badly, and you saved me from a whole lot of grief! I think this is a good lesson to remember, because it's an easy one to forget (like I did between September and January). Thanks, Audra, for all your wisdom and advice, you are such a great big sis!
Oh how I needed this. Thanks! I hope I don't get too lazy and blame it on this blog. Steven and my kids might just come after you.
But, truly, every woman needs to hear this!
AWESOME. I really believe it too. And I have a REALLY hard time with it as well. Glad to know others do too! Great way to put it!!
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