Yesterday was my first day back to church since Josh was born. I can't tell you how many people stopped to ask me, "How are you feeling?" That was the question of the day. Well, if I told them the truth, I would have said, "I am totally overwhelmed. Four kids is hard for me. And now that I am back to church, it also means that I am back to my calling in the primary. I don't want to be back in primary. I don't know if I can handle it. I know countless other women who can handle it, but I don't know if I can. I feel really inadequate right now. I want to cry and my nipples hurt like hell (sorry mom)!" But that is not what I said to them. I smiled and said, "I feel good. Everything is going really well." I just didn't feel like the church halls were the best place to discuss my load of emotions and physical ailments!
But it was one example of how people don't always mean what they say.
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16 comments:
I don't even have any kids and I can hardly handle Primary. Props to you. You are totally adequate, it's just hard to feel that way. I'll call soon! Love you!
Amen... I'm feeling the same way, and I'm only the mother of TWO. Well, maybe my nipples aren't THAT sore anymore. :)
If it helps, I admire you greatly. Always have.
I'm sooooo sorry! I feel your pain. I love my calling, but it's so hard right now. I don't like it only because I feel overwhelmed with Olivia. Both Steven and I have up-in-front-of-people-every-Sunday callings. It's hard with a baby who's going to need to eat AT LEAST once during church.
I think you should have said what you thought (minus the last few words, of course.) You know those women who you thought could handle it? They felt EXACTLY the same as you felt/are feeling! It comes with the job description. Motherhood is not for wimps.
You are one amazing woman! I am sure four kids is a lot to handle. I am impressed by all that you do! Hang in there!
I think I would feel the same way! I can't imagine having 4 (although I want to experience it someday). You will figure it out. Take your time. I wish I was closer to help you out! You are amazing!
Audra,
I am sorry! I really think you should have told them how you felt. Then they would know that they are not in it alone as well. I am glad you can post it on your blog though to all of us and show us you are no superhuman, you are just human. Although we all still think you are super human because you are mother to 4 under 6, which is incredible. You do a great job, your kids love you, your husband treats you great & helps a lot. You can do it and hopefully this time will pass by soon! You are a strong woman Audra! Keep on going and do not feel the least inadequate. Let people know how you are feeling!!! LOVE YA
Honestly, I probably would have said the same thing. It is hard, like you said... you don't want to go into details with just about anybody, and especially in the hall at church. You are amazing though Audra... I too have always admired you, but it's okay to feel like "this is hard"-- that is normal! {{hugs to you}}
I need to explain my last comment. I think you are awesome to be able to handle four boys (especially when the oldest ones are 6!) You are an incredible mother! I wish I could have done half of what you do for your kids. At its easiest, motherhood is incredibly difficult. You are experiencing things way beyond the 'easiest' level! (Is 'easiest' a word???) I know how strong you are, and you are handling it! It just doesn't feel that way while you are in the process. Keep up the great work. You are one awesome woman!
I love you, Audra!
It's so hard when you have so much to do already and then your plate just gets fuller. You can do it though! If you can handle 4 boys, you're already Wonder Woman!
You speak the truth of every mom with a new baby. Good for you! I do know what you mean, though, it's not like you are going to unload everything right there at church. There is a time and place for everything! But it is still good to let people know how you are really feeling, because then maybe they could help in some way. And you don't fool me...I know you rock in Primary! :-) Good luck!
I hear ya Audra. Ben is 6 months and I finally feel like my head is above water. I'm not floating yet but at least I haven't drowned! I finally was released from Primary and it was a happy day for me. Hang in there. You are raising adorable boys!
Okay, okay, we will take your kids for a week. Geezzz
I am so sorry Audra! I am thinking about you during these trying times.
So this may be coming a bit late... Sorry, I haven't been able to keep up reading blogs as much as I want! Although I thought I was checking yours regularly, and now there are all of these new ones!
You are amazing Audra... three is pushing my limits, I can't even imagine what four would do!
Regarding primary, just because you're back in church, doesn't mean you have to be back in your calling. A friend reminded me of that when I first came back to church, and I was so glad to hear her say it. She also told me, that just because I was there that Sunday, didn't mean I had to be there the next. Each day/week with a new baby is different, and just because you could do something one week, doesn't mean you can repeat it the next.
Don't be too hard on yourself. My mom's latest advice for me has been to lighten up. She said that we, as women, are so hard on ourselves and on our children, we expect so much, too much... sometimes we just need to take a step back...
Good luck!
It always seems like the first 2 months are SO challenging with adjusting to a new baby. Motherhood is not for wimps that is for sure. But it will get better! The demands of church callings sometimes are a challenge. But it will get better I'm sure!
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