The Mute and The Romantic

As I drove home from last nights book club discussion, I thought about how it went. The book we discussed was These Is My Words by Nancy Turner. Many of you know that I adore this book. It is one of my favorites, yet I did not say much at the discussion. I thought about that as I drove home. Here was a topic that I love, a topic that I have many thoughts and feelings about, yet I didn't say them. It is so characteristic of me! Audra, in a group settting, is very quiet. It has always been that way. The only thing that has changed is my attitude towards it. I use to despise the fact that I was quiet in a group, at a party, or at any social gathering. I wanted to be fun, outgoing, the life of the party! I was, and am, nothing like that. I have finally come to terms with that. I hate being the center of the attention and I will never change so why feel bad about it? I can listen. I can laugh at other's jokes. I can speak when spoken to. That's fine! That's Audra, and that's fine! One episode of extreme quietness that I will always remember is my first date with Mike. We had "studied" chemistry a lot together, but had never been on an official date. Our first date was a dinner with his roommates and their dates or girlfriends. They were all from the same ward or apartment complex so they knew each other very well. I was the new girl. I was the young girl - first semester as a freshman! So I felt extremely uncomfortable in that setting. My quietness was brought to a whole new level - I didn't say a word that night! I am serious! I told them my name was Audra and then didn't say a thing unless they asked me a question! I clearly remember thinking, "There is no way Mike still likes me. How could he like someone who doesn't talk!" Thank goodness Mike didn't give up after that date. I love him for it! And for the record, I can talk one on one just fine. It's just those darn groups where I don't want anyone to look at me! And when you talk, people generally look at you!

Another thing I thought about when driving home was the topic of how romantic one of the male characters was in the book. We talked about those romantic moments, and then the women expressed their desires that their husbands were like that. Of course, I didn't say much. They finally asked me if my husband was a romantic and I had to confess that, yes, he is very much of a romantic. I told them we even read the book together! One of the women asked if he has watched Pride and Prejudice, the long 6 hour version with me. And yes he has, twice! He pampers me on our special holidays and he surprises me with gifts every now and then. The women laughed and laughed about this. They can laugh! I know I am a lucky woman.