Last night I went to Kyle and Jordan's first grade curriculum night. The big message I learned this year was to teach the kids responsibility and independence. The teachers emphasized having the children take over the small tasks that we as parents have been doing for them. She (Kyle's teacher) said, "Let them pack their backpack. Let them take the papers out of their folders when they get home. Have them explain the papers to you. Let them get their own snack for the day. Help them remember when their homework is due and let them be in charge of it, etc." I agree with this advice, but I am surprised at how difficult it is to follow through with! I like to have things organized, under control. And if I turn these small but important tasks over to them, things are not as organized and not as under control (or at least that is how I perceive it). So it's an effort for me to step back and let my kids do things I could easily do for them. It goes against the feelings and urgings of a mother! But I realize it's very important to do. Otherwise my boys will be masters at learned helplessness. (And they definitely wouldn't be very helpful husbands down the road! We all know men who are masters at learned helplessness.)
12 comments:
I agree with what you are saying. How many mothers do you know who are good mothers in that they provide for every child's need but yet fail to reach the ultimate goal - teach their kids to be responsible individuals who become good parents themselves.
"We all know men who are masters at learned helplessness."
Please elaborate - not with names but with examples.
I agree kids need to learn independance. We're having a really hard time with Alex on that one. She was spoiled and babied for WAY too long! Now she's saying "I don't want to be independant, I don't want to have to think to make the right choices." She seriously said that!
So true. Even outside of school. I am tempted to clean up the kids room and clean up their messes, because I can do it quicker, better and more efficiently, but what does that teach them?
I think you can teach this, but realize that this learning comes one step at a time. First graders will not shoulder this responsibility all at once. I don't think it is negative to help prop them up once in awhile. But I do agree it is a very wise thing to be aware of and to teach to your children!
My example of a man who portrayed 'learned helplessness' was an acquaintance in his 50's who, when his wife became very ill, asked that someone come in to prepare the meals, wash the dishes and clean up the kitchen. He was not working and was at home all the time. THAT is learned helplessness!
Learned helplessness - people who "can't" do simple chores because someone always does it for them (their mom or spouse). It happens in both genders. For men, those chores seem to be cleaning, doing the laundry, doing the dishes, taking care of children, changing a diaper, preparing a meal, etc. For women, it may be changing a flat tire, keeping up with the maintenance of a car, home projects, etc. You know what I am talking about.
I used to clean my big brother's room because it was a "girl's job." We've come a long way BABY!!! Moms are doing a much better job preparing their young boys for future husbands and fathers. Keep up the good work.
Audra, I agree 100%! It is sometimes hard though to let go of control for a few minutes to let our children learn to be indepenant. But it is so worth it!! This morning I actually asked Brayden to make him own breakfast! That was a step, he actually went a step further and made his own lunch too!! And he did good! :)
i think i need to start teaching more independence. that is so awesome they are reinforcing that!
It also comes in handy as your children get older. My children are getting very good at knowing what their assignments are and getting them done on their own. They come home and get right to work this year. First and second grade we had many failures in getting the homework in, but I would rather they struggle with it in first grade rather than ninth when it counts. Natalie got a "F" on a test. She said she decided not to do it because a girl hurt her feelings. I was able to show her how that F was nearly impossible to recover from and not doing a test only hurt her. She also got low on a test and when I asked her if she had studied for it, she said she didn't realize she needed to study. We studied for the next one and got 100%. She now studies for all tests and has great grades.
I think you are already doing really well at this. Give yourself a pat on the back.
That's great advice. I have been trying to do that to lighten my load too. And I love the way Dylan acts when he has responsibility. Let's just say he likes it.
I try to remember it's not my job to control my children. But to teach them how to make the right choices. This can go along with making them responsible. Easier said than done.
I understand what you mean. It's so much easier to clean up after them rather than let them do it themselves...and I struggle with follow-through too. But I think Kyle and Jordan are very responsible, so you're doing a good job!
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