cool mom

My boys were playing in this big gym with lots of extended family (their cousin's cousins). And because I'm such a cool mom, I decided to jump right in there and play with them. I was running, playing chase, attempting kartwheels. And then I almost peed my pants when jumping off the springboard. My body just ain't the same since, how old are Kyle and Jordan? It ain't the same since nine years ago. You'd think I'd know after nine years, but those moments of "Oh my gosh I almost peed my pants" still surprise me. "That was a close one," I thought and made a mental note to not do that again until after emptying my bladder. But all was well and from the high mat I had just spring boarded onto, I lept into the foam pit like the petite gymnist I've always wanted to be.

I split my pants.

And you know that climbing out of those foam pits gracefully is always hard to do, but all hope is lost when your son yells, "Mom, you have a huge hole in your pants!" All the kids were laughing at me and I was laughing too, which made it even harder to get out of that dang pit.

Jessi came to my rescue and told me to wrap a sweatshirt around my waist. I was cool again until three year old Tanner came up to me and said, "Do you have a hole in your butt?" I said, "Noooo. I have a hole in my pants" all defensive and I sounded like a three year old.

The next day, I was smiling about that whole incident and I said to my boys, "Hey guys, remember when I split my pants? Well, afterward three year old Tanner came up to me and asked me if I had a hole in my butt and I said, 'Nooooo. I have a hole in my pants.' But I do have a hole in my butt!" And the boys laughed like it was the funniest thing they ever heard and they were so excited because for the first time I had joined their world of potty talk.

Ugh, what have I done? I hate that talk of bums and poo and pee and fart nuggets! I soon realized my HUGE mistake because they asked me to repeat that story about fifty times, all the while adding their own unpleasant comments to the narrative. I had just ruined the years of saying, "Don't talk like that", "That's gross", "Don't be crude", "That's inappropriate", "That's disrepectful", "That's rude" because I'm the one who started it. Dang it, dang it, dang it!

The next time I want to be a cool mom, I seriously better think twice!